Recovery 

I am one week into full on recovery from my eating disorder. This is the first week in my life I think that I have eaten intuitively, placing absolutely no logical restrictions on what, where and when I eat. The only ‘rules’ I have applied to myself are eat when hungry, eat slowly and consciously and stop eating when full.
The easiest of these for me has been not eating until hungry. I have tried to consciously interact with my hunger to try to get used to feeling and recognising it and not eating until it is genuine, tenacious, physical hunger. 
Eating slowly has been a challenge, I am not that used to feeling properly hungry and the crazy part of my brain has a tendency to panic and wolf down food when it’s finally in front of me. However, I think I have made big leaps forward with this in the last week. I have also really tried to enjoy my food and concentrate on what I’m eating. This is something that is definitely a struggle for me but I’m working on it.
Then comes the stopping when full- again I have made progress with this but just like recognising hunger can be a difficult task, so is recognising feelings of fullness. Mostly I think I’ve probably eaten slightly more than what makes me comfortably full, but of course this is intrinsically linked with eating slowly and allowing the signals from your stomach telling your brain to stop eating takes time to kick in.
Overall I’m pleased and proud of myself this week. I have had zero binges, zero feelings of guilt and looking at it objectively (I have also asked my partner to verify this) I have eaten much less food than usual. I think the main reason for that is because I’m not eating until I’m feeling real hunger. I actually think my body doesn’t require anything like the amount of food I always thought it did and that so much of the time I was eating out of emotional need or because it was ‘meal time’. 
Not that it has at all influenced my food choices, but I have noticed as an aside that given the choice of literally any food that the supermarket has I have chosen lighter and less calorific food. This lends weight to the theory that deprivation leads to binges and certain food choices.
Here’s to the next week of the adventure, wish me luck!

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