For the past 20 years I have been fighting an unhealthy battle with food & my body. For pretty much as long as I can remember I have yo yo’d between dieting and binge eating. The reasons why I started doing this and why it continued are no longer relevant to me and now the behaviours are just ingrained and comfortable.
I have tried so many diets, some more successful than others. When I say successful I mean in terms of weight loss alone, but they have ALL contributed to my ever more insane and unhealthy relationship with food and my body. Years of deprivation and diets along with binging has left me with a completely confused attitude towards the whole idea of maintaining a healthy weight.
As of now this stops. There is no such thing as a “bad” or “good” food, or even an “unhealthy” or “healthy” food, but rather a balanced diet which contains a healthy and appropriate amount of all types of foods. Look, Clearly a healthy diet contains more kale than it does refined sugar. BUT telling myself I can’t eat sugar has just made me crave the white stuff far more and made me have massive sugar binges.
This approach hasn’t worked, I haven’t lost weight in a while and my relationship with food and my body is just becoming more and more unhealthy.
So for now what I’m concentrating on is trying to eat what my body wants (this means my actual body not my crazy brain that likes to use excess amounts of food to distract, comfort etc). When you over rule your healthy wonderful natural body and instead make it quiet with excess food, your body’s true voice is like a whisper and sometimes very hard to hear.
I try to eat what a ‘normal’ person might eat. By this I mean someone who does not use excess food to try to effect their emotions. Every time I feel hungry and go to eat I’m trying to ask myself if it is physical hunger I am feeling and what it is I want to eat, then I am trying to eat slowly and mindfully and stop when I’m full. I have some other techniques I want to try to support myself but for now I’m just trying to do these things.